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“Safe vs. Unsafe People
In addition to the traditional child safety tips above, I teach them the following:
- Safe people are consistently kind. They are not warm one moment and then cold the next. You know exactly what to expect from them the next time you see them. And even when they are hurt and frustrated, they are still kind.
- Safe people do not hurt others intentionally. And when you tell them that they hurt you, they apologize and make an effort not to do it again.
- Safe people are good at respecting boundaries. They will not try to convince you to change your No to a yes. If you set a boundary, they will listen to it even if they don’t agree with it.
Now, when you think of predators, bullies, toxic partners, and frenemies, none of them would pass this “safety test”. This knowledge will also help them determine who has the potential to be a great friend.
In the context of mean kids at school, I also teach them that not everyone will like them and they will not like everyone—and that’s ok! Sometimes we don’t want someone to like us because it means that we are not aligned. This has greatly helped my preteen navigate bullies and avoid frenemies like the plague. Once someone isn’t kind (to her or others), she decides immediately that she doesn’t like them, never stopping to wonder why they don’t like her.”
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