Parent to Parent, I want you to know that just because I work in this field doesn’t mean that sensitive conversations aren’t hard for me too.
At least, they used to be. But like any skill, practice makes progress—and progress builds confidence.
One of the questions I often get from parents of teens and preteens is:
How do I get them to listen to me? While the less convenient but complete answer lies in whether you’ve built a deeply connected relationship with your child, there are some tactics you can use to engage in these hard conversations without immediately getting stonewalled.
Here’s one thing I do to start important conversations with my preteen (keep reading to see how you can modify this for younger kids). The earlier, the better—but it’s never too late:
I keep it short—micro conversations (<5 mins) that reinforce the message will be better received than long, wordy lectures. When they’re little, they can’t pay attention long enough, and when they’re older, they won’t like feeling like you’re talking at them.
My tactic: A comment here, an observation there, a well-timed question about what they think.
For example: Healthy vs unhealthy relationships
Listening to the song Stay by Justin Bieber with my preteen. (Click here for the lyrics.)
Me: Ooh that’s messed up.
Preteen: What is??
Me: This dude is literally saying that he tells his girlfriend whatever she wants to hear just so she won’t leave him…
Preteen: Pauses and really listens. 😲🤨
Me: But it’s super catchy though. Keeps singing along.
Preteen: I never noticed that! Why would she stay???
Now the tables have turned and she is the one engaging in deeper conversation about this. I still try to keep it under 5 mins, and employ this tactic a few times a week to reinforce critical thinking about different topics like strong boundaries and safe vs unsafe people.
You can easily modify this with your younger kids as well.
Pick one behavior you want to focus on and make a comment:
Beauty & The Beast: Wow, she fell in love with the guy who kidnapped her dad?
Bluey: It looks like Bingo had a hard time saying NO—do you ever feel like that?
Paw Patrol: Are they helping THE SAME bad guy as last time? And they just keep rescuing him even if it puts them in danger?
So much of what’s out there is toxic af and the biggest issue with this is that it normalizes red flag behaviors. Kids who are good at noticing and articulating behaviors are harder to groom, manipulate, and bully.
Idk about you, but my goal isn’t to raise my kids in a bubble, it’s to show them how to thoughtfully consider the content they’re consuming AND notice that they can enjoy something without agreeing with it.
And the best part? This skill keeps them safe even when you can’t be right next to them.