Another 3 things I do to *predator proof* my preteen (and 5yr old!), as a mom who holds a Master’s in Forensic Psychology, has worked in law enforcement intel, and who founded a mental health nonprofit that serves survivors of human trafficking as young as 2 years old:
1. I taught my kids from a young age that not everyone is going to like them, just like they’re not going to like everyone.
And sometimes, when certain people who aren’t kind don’t like us, we should wear it like a badge of honor because it means that we are nothing like them.
This encourages them to live authentically, without the pressure to people-please.
Predators (and unsafe people) often rely on a victim’s need to be accepted and liked so they ignore red flags 🚩🚩🚩
2. I tell them often that there’s nothing they could ever do that would make me love them less. I hold their hands and look into their eyes as I say it—yes, even to the 11 year old. I say it for no reason, sprinkled with kisses and lightness.
I don’t wait for hard moments or hard days.
I need them to know that whatever happens, no matter what they’re feeling, they can come to me and I will love them just as much.
Predators (and toxic people) weaponize shame and play on their target’s fear of abandonment and rejection.
3. I made up a fun game with my preteen where I say something like “which of your friends is the most likely to play professional soccer?” She’ll list them in order with her reasoning & ask my opinion. She loves that I know her friends well too.
Now that she’s 11, I sprinkle in more serious questions like “which of your friends is most likely to talk to a stranger online/get a boyfriend/succumb to peer pressure” etc.
This is one of her favorite things to do together, and I love that it gives her the space to notice & articulate patterns of behavior. This ultimately hones her ability to spot safe vs unsafe people a mile away.
Added bonus: I get to learn more about her friends without sounding like I’m interrogating her, and she loves that I’m interested in hearing about the people who she cares about most. It has also opened the door to a lot of sensitive topics like hyper-sexualization, body image, and substance use in a way that’s age appropriate and non-traumatizing.
As someone whose former goal was to be Gideon (the best FBI Profiler) from Criminal Minds, I very much enjoy helping my kids develop the same skillset they’ll need to not only identify potentially unsafe people, but to spot who their people are.
After all, knowing who will uplift and support us is such an important part of living well–and the more good people we are surrounded by, the easier it is to tell who we *don’t* want in our lives as well.
If this post resonates, please like, share, and subscribe to the monthly newsletter I made for parents who are passionate about child safety, cultivating self-connectedness, and building a legacy of wellness for future generations. If you are interested in my work in the anti-trafficking space, check out Humansave’s website and Instagram.