3 things I do to *predator proof* my preteen as a mom who holds a Master’s in Forensic Psych, has worked in law enforcement intel, and has run an anti-trafficking mental health nonprofit since 2017:
1. I don’t demand blind obedience. I’m actually proud when my kid can think critically and (respectfully) turn my NO into a YES. This is important because when kids are allowed to question or disagree with their parents (again, respectfully), they learn that it’s safe to voice their opinions. It also helps us build trust and earn their respect when they know we aren’t power tripping.
Unsurprisingly, this makes them much more likely to stand up to anyone who makes them feel uncomfortable.
2. I have ongoing conversations about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships—in the context of herself, friends, and future partners. She understands that healthy relationships make her feel safe—physically and emotionally. This is important because in a lot of dangerous situations (trafficking, domestic violence, etc) the victim considers the perp to be a romantic partner, making it even harder to leave.
This keeps her safe from toxic situations in general.
3. Most importantly, I make sure that I am the most influential person in my kid’s life. That means that I earn her trust and respect, treat her with affection and kindness, make sure she knows how much I enjoy her company and value her opinions, and share my own thoughts and opinions with her.
This kind of relationship—which takes time to build— becomes her armor.
It’s important to remember that predators and exploiters know exactly what they’re *hunting* for—kids who feel isolated, who don’t like themselves, and who aren’t protected by an adult are among the most targeted. The good news is that we can take this knowledge to go beyond avoiding potentially dangerous situations and actually make our kids repulsive to anyone who would want to harm them.
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