3 (more) things I do to *predator proof* my preteen as a mom who holds a Master’s in Forensic Psychology, has worked in law enforcement intel, and who founded a mental health nonprofit that serves survivors of human trafficking as young as 2 years old
1. We started talking about healthy relationships *early*. I mean, like 4 or 5 years old. At that age, we talked mostly about friendships and by 8 she could articulate the difference best friends (make you feel limitless and more energetic when you’re around them), friends (you enjoy doing things with, but vibes aren’t always aligned), school mates, and acquaintances.
2. We started talking about safe vs unsafe people early too. This included specific behaviors to look out for (like a safe person will never say “don’t tell mom/dad”), but more importantly, I taught her how to recognize exactly what “safe” feels like in her body (deep breathing, dropped shoulders, relaxed stomach), and what “unsafe” feels like (tense neck and shoulders, holding her breath, clenched stomach).
This gave her the ability to identify very quickly when she feels uncomfortable.
3. I’ve taught her to follow her gut instinct FIRST, and unpack AFTER.
If she feels unsafe or uncomfortable, she should exit the situation, period. She shouldn’t need to convince herself with concrete reasons.
It’s not a debate.
A lot of times dangerous people rely on their targets ignoring this instinct, or hesitating when red flags pop up.
Teaching our kids how to trust themselves implicitly is a powerful form of armor.
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